bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
