Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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