After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize