How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
