He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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