The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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