I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
