i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
pray to the hookup gods
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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