he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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