Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
