They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
