And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
