I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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