come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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