If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
