if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
