there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
