Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
