He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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