Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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