The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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