I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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