like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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