i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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