If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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