no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
