Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
