walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize