I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
