I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
