She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
