why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you had me at cake vodka
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
