Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
