will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
