dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
