is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
