I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
