having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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