loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
