the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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