Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
