i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
