We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
