Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am midnight drunk by noon
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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