Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Floor bacon is actually really good
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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