do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
