1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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