$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
