I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
