apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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