And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
