We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
