Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
