Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
