I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
