woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
