Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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