listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
