So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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