How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
