she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
