i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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