She said her name was "party"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
