i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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