finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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