it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
