I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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