bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
How external is "for external use only"?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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