Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
