If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
