You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
