Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She said her name was "party"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
