guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize