That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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