So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
