the new term for farting is butt boxing.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
