Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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