My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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