R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
