What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
