it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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