Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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