I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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