I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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