oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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