i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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