Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my shit smells like andre
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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