My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
