We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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