I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
