I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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