Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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