Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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