you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
