Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize