Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
