I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm really into asian looking animals
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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