wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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