Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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