i just google imaged poop.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
