I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize