The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I wear drunk well.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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