When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
