She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
