Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
