talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize