In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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