I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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