I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
