Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
