Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
