I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
